Can children who witness abuse hurt them as adults

[Raven]

You never know what to do when you are in a abusive relationship.* Your abuser, no matter if it be emotional, physical, etc will keep at you to wear you down. The threats are never ending.* In my case my ex said he would make sure I would never see the children again if I left.* So by staying I thought I was protecting them.* I was never so wrong.* Finally my ex left.* In a way I guess my ex was right about me not seeing the children again.* By staying and what I thought was protecting them because he said he would take them from me I stayed to protect them.* Now as adults my kids want nothing to do with me.** I get a occasional txt message from my daughter.* For over a year I have been trying to contact my son.* I would leave him cards, call his house,* finally found him on myspace.* I get the most heartbreaking myspace message from him yesterday saying he wants nothing to do with me because of for so many years of keeping him in the watchful eye of seeing his dad be abusive.** The kids we never physically abused.* I took the brunt of that.* But them seeing me emotional and physical abuse day in and day out was more than they could take and it will hurt them in adult life.* Here is a example of how horrific it was.* My ex owed money to bad people money.* They came to collect with GUNS.* I locked the kids in the bedroom to protect them.* While one dude went with my ex to get the money the other*dude sat with me holding a gun*on me.*** As scared as I was I kept staring the guy down and said if you are going to hurt anyone let it be me and don’t hurt the kids.* They got their money and left.***Thats when the ex decided it was time to leave.** Finally free of his abuse.* But a little to late because now as adults those little kids are still suffering and they wont let me help them.** Sometimes I feel like a hypocrit running Kids Defense Team.* How can I sit here day in and day out helping children when I can’t even help my own.
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